Rewriting Your Beliefs to Overcome Your Fears
“Your thoughts and your beliefs dictate your reality, so if you want to change your reality, you have to change your beliefs”
- Jen Sincero
Beliefs are powerful because they shape our attitudes and behaviours. Many people have an attitude toward public-speaking that they aren’t good at it, can’t do it and don’t like to do it. Many people feel that they are hard-wired to be nervous and hold negative beliefs about their ability to perform or present. The result is a self-sabotaging attitude, a reflection of our underlying beliefs. When we tell ourselves repeatedly that we can’t do something, we start to believe it, at every level of our being. When you look closely, you may find that your beliefs are one of the root causes of your public-speaking anxiety. The good news is we choose what we want to believe and our beliefs can change over time.
We all have a core set of beliefs - these are likely a combination of ones that you have been raised with or have learned overtime, consciously and subconsciously. With public-speaking anxiety, these beliefs alone are enough to evoke anxiety. In fact, a research study conducted by Vîslă et al. (2013) found that our beliefs lead to automatic negative thoughts which in turn lead to increased levels of public-speaking anxiety. This is why I believe that one of the best places to begin with my clients and patients is to identify and dissect their beliefs so they can begin to write new beliefs that will serve them.
Exercise: Re-writing your Beliefs
Before you can re-write your beliefs, you need to identify your existing set of beliefs. For this exercise, all you need is a piece of paper and pen. Begin by thinking about the beliefs your parents or others raised you with, beliefs you learned in school, work, from friends, social media and religious institutions. Begin by asking, “what are the beliefs of the other people you grew up around”? On the left side of your sheet, label the column “Existing Beliefs” and write down your beliefs as they pertain to judgment, goal-setting, perfectionism, achievement, emotions, vulnerability, success, confidence and public-speaking. Here are some examples (“Showing emotion is showing weakness”, “It is important what people think of me”). Write down as many as you can without critiquing yourself for at least 3 minutes…..GO! Don’t cheat and move ahead until you’ve completed this first step.
Now scan your list and look for themes. When I did this exercise myself and began to connect the dots, it wasn’t shocking at all why I suffered from public-speaking anxiety. I had many other beliefs such as “Other people are better than me”, “Give 110% to everything you do”, and “Letting people see that you’re anxious is humiliating.'' My beliefs were that of a perfectionist-wannabe, people-pleaser, and achievement-seeker all rolled into one nice little ball! I recommend taking it one step further and exploring the emotion behind the beliefs. For example, why is it that observing someone experiencing anxiety is humiliating? Why is it something to be ashamed of?
Now let’s get to the fun part…writing your new beliefs. Draw a line down the middle of the page and on the right side, label the column “New Beliefs”. Now start to write down beliefs that will serve you. Review that list that you just wrote (your existing or old beliefs) and write what the belief would look like if it were positively-worded. Some of your beliefs you may want to stay the same and that’s OKAY! You may also want to think of beliefs that successful and confident speakers have. Confident speakers likely have beliefs such as “I have valuable opinions to share”, “What others think of me is not important”, “It’s okay to be nervous” and my personal favourite “I am enough”.
How does the change happen?
Here’s where the magic happens and where the rubber hits the road. How do you change your beliefs? The easier part is identifying them, the harder part is to change them. I’ve outlined a few ways for you to begin to integrate your beliefs into your life in a meaningful way.
Vision-board-it. Create a vision board or simple drawing of the life you want or your public-speaking aspirations. You may even want to include words or quotes.
Repeat positive affirmations to yourself daily. Our thoughts are one of our most valuable tools and are often a by-product of our beliefs. Be mindful of the thoughts that you’re telling yourself. Another post soon to come about positive self-affirmations because they are without a doubt absolutely critical.
Go deeper than identifying your beliefs. As I mentioned above, it’s important to question the emotions and assumptions behind your beliefs. Ask yourself what assumptions are you making and why they might be false?
Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Look around to see the types of people and information you’re feeding yourself. Are you surrounding yourself with positive people who hold similar beliefs as you?
Resources
One of the best books for deconstructing your beliefs is “You’re a badass: How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life” by Jen Sincero. This book has many practical exercises to help you identify your self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviours with the goal of helping you live a happy, purposeful and fulfilling life.
Recap
Our beliefs many times are feeding into and perpetuating public-speaking anxiety. Of course your beliefs will likely not change overnight so you need to be patient with the process. You need to first begin with identifying your existing beliefs and then focus on writing new ones. The shift really happens when you work on them everyday and become aware of your conscious thoughts and beliefs. Make a promise to yourself to doing the exercise and take it one step further by sharing with a friend. Accountability is one of the best methods to ensure you will stay committed to the mindset you desire.
References
Vîslă, A., Cristea, I.A., & Tătar, D. D. (2013). Core beliefs, automatic thoughts and response expectancies in predicting public-speaking anxiety. Personality and Individual Differences, 55 (7), 756-859.
Lewis, Ralph. (2018). What actually is a belief? And why is it so hard to change? Psychology Today.https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/finding-purpose/201810/what-actually-is-belief-and-why-is-it-so-hard-change
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